Today begins the 24th day that I have not had an alcoholic beverage. Two things here. First, why have I been successful? Second, and more importantly, why don’t I feel good about it?
Indulge me here in a little navel-gazing. There’s an actual word for that: omphaloskepsis. It’s supposed to help in--you guessed it--meditation, and may involve chakras and stuff. But in my case, it refers to being self-indulgent. Because I’m not planning to google or read a book or even ask some well-informed person to aid in this post. I’m just going to ruminate.
I know part of the reason I’ve succeeded to stay dry in January thus far is because I set a goal. And despite many failed attempts during Lent, I’m pretty good at keeping my goals. I’m assuming--really fighting the urge to google here--that setting goals is an effective technique for modifying behavior. Nothing like, I-will-never-drink-again-will-stay-a-size-six-and-become-an-international-best-selling-author kind of goal. Just something concise and attainable.
Somewhat unintentionally, I’ve also been using substitution as a technique. I’ve been drinking more coffee, interesting teas, and flavored waters. I’ve also developed a yen for hot chocolate at night, the really rich kind with the slightly bitter taste that cuts through the creamy milk and sugar. You can practically stand a spoon in it.
Finally, this blog is a major distraction, a healthy one because it falls under the category of “journaling.” I’ve also started a kind of coffee klatch with my neighbors, the ones with all the self-help books. Apparently, they’ve actually read said books and are quite “self-aware” and “mindful” people and are willing to share their hard-earned knowledge. We meet once a week on Monday mornings. Our sessions feel suspiciously like group therapy but with people I love and respect so there’s no dear-lord-will-she-please-just-shut-up. At least not yet.
Set an attainable goal. Check. Substitute bad behavior with a healthy one. Check. Use distraction. Check, and double check.
So why don’t I feel good about it?
I have a feeling that answering that question will go a long way to achieving long-lasting personal change. It also sounds worthy of several sessions with my therapist, whom I have on speed dial. I am sure Google has great insights posted on the subject. But right now, I’m practicing omphaloskepsis.
On a prior post, I mentioned that I was an all-or-nothing kind of gal, which was why I have so much trouble with the concept of baby steps. I want to fix everything at once. This is probably because my critical eye usually wanders over to, “Sure, you haven’t had a drink in 24 days, but lookee here! You’re eating like a kazillion calories and, honey, writing a blog isn’t exactly getting that book proposal done.”
Hmmm.
How to be kinder to myself? Because while I’m sure that fear is a great motivator--it’s gotten me through law school and the California Bar and many a book deadline--I also think fear has me disappearing into a bottle of wine and bad reality shows.
So, crank up my inner cheerleader. That seems like a decent goal. For today, anyway. Baby steps.
This is my year of change. I hope you join me.
Please feel free to comment below.
Indulge me here in a little navel-gazing. There’s an actual word for that: omphaloskepsis. It’s supposed to help in--you guessed it--meditation, and may involve chakras and stuff. But in my case, it refers to being self-indulgent. Because I’m not planning to google or read a book or even ask some well-informed person to aid in this post. I’m just going to ruminate.
I know part of the reason I’ve succeeded to stay dry in January thus far is because I set a goal. And despite many failed attempts during Lent, I’m pretty good at keeping my goals. I’m assuming--really fighting the urge to google here--that setting goals is an effective technique for modifying behavior. Nothing like, I-will-never-drink-again-will-stay-a-size-six-and-become-an-international-best-selling-author kind of goal. Just something concise and attainable.
Somewhat unintentionally, I’ve also been using substitution as a technique. I’ve been drinking more coffee, interesting teas, and flavored waters. I’ve also developed a yen for hot chocolate at night, the really rich kind with the slightly bitter taste that cuts through the creamy milk and sugar. You can practically stand a spoon in it.
Finally, this blog is a major distraction, a healthy one because it falls under the category of “journaling.” I’ve also started a kind of coffee klatch with my neighbors, the ones with all the self-help books. Apparently, they’ve actually read said books and are quite “self-aware” and “mindful” people and are willing to share their hard-earned knowledge. We meet once a week on Monday mornings. Our sessions feel suspiciously like group therapy but with people I love and respect so there’s no dear-lord-will-she-please-just-shut-up. At least not yet.
Set an attainable goal. Check. Substitute bad behavior with a healthy one. Check. Use distraction. Check, and double check.
So why don’t I feel good about it?
I have a feeling that answering that question will go a long way to achieving long-lasting personal change. It also sounds worthy of several sessions with my therapist, whom I have on speed dial. I am sure Google has great insights posted on the subject. But right now, I’m practicing omphaloskepsis.
On a prior post, I mentioned that I was an all-or-nothing kind of gal, which was why I have so much trouble with the concept of baby steps. I want to fix everything at once. This is probably because my critical eye usually wanders over to, “Sure, you haven’t had a drink in 24 days, but lookee here! You’re eating like a kazillion calories and, honey, writing a blog isn’t exactly getting that book proposal done.”
Hmmm.
How to be kinder to myself? Because while I’m sure that fear is a great motivator--it’s gotten me through law school and the California Bar and many a book deadline--I also think fear has me disappearing into a bottle of wine and bad reality shows.
So, crank up my inner cheerleader. That seems like a decent goal. For today, anyway. Baby steps.
This is my year of change. I hope you join me.
Please feel free to comment below.
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